A few years ago, I met a student who often missed class and always slept during class. Her classmates made fun of her, but she didn't react. After class, I asked her, "Can you tell me why you sleep every time you go to class? She replied, "I'm drained." It didn't sound like she had told me the whole story. And she attended subsequent classes but continued to sleep peacefully during the lesson. Sometimes I would ask her why, and she gave me the same answer.
She has a particular pattern of turning in her homework. She only turns in her midterm report. She always disappears when it's time to turn in her final report.
When the final report was due, she came to me privately and asked, "Teacher, can I not turn in this assignment? I asked her for a reason: "Can you tell me what it is? She stammered and said she was "afraid" to turn in her homework.
In fact, she was not lazy and had already done her homework. But she was afraid to turn it in because she felt she had not done it "well enough." After a chat with her, she decided not to turn in her homework. She would prefer to get a fail and repeat the study. As a teacher, I respect her decision.
After that conversation, she realized that her deliberate failure to turn in her final report was due to an inexplicable fear.
She told me that in the past, when she missed assignments or slept in class, she was usually only scolded or punished by the teacher, which led to feelings of anger and self-blame. These strong emotions completely overshadowed her fear of not doing her homework well, so she never knew she was "afraid" to turn in her assignment.
She was "afraid" because she had a perfectionist mind and always felt there were ways to improve it. Therefore, she would instead not turn it in rather than turn in an "imperfect assignment.
After that conversation, she sought the help of social workers and professionals. The anxiety kept her awake at night. As a result, she had no energy to go to class in the morning. When she goes out in the morning, she has to constantly check her textbook for more than 30 minutes each time.
Each of these behaviors can also be based on specific emotions, such as "fear" of not being good enough, which makes her "avoid" handing in her assignment. To help students who are "lazy," "unmotivated," or "underachieving," we may need to put aside the stigmas and take the initiative to understand the reasons for their "behaviors." We can understand the cause behind it, then we will have the opportunity to explore the problems behind the symptoms.
Remember to appreciate a sincere word of concern. It is the key to increasing the person's sense of trust.
Think about it, young people are burdened with the labels of "lazy," "waste," and "inferior." If they do not have the understanding and compassion of others, how can they have the courage to say what is on their mind without fear?
There might be someday that your student comes up to you and tells you, "I'm afraid to turn in my homework..." try to start a conversation with understanding, and you may be the first person to listen to him or her.
Abstract from AM730 https://www.am730.com.hk/column/健康/老師-我怕交功課-/240906
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended as a substitute for the psychological therapy of clinicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician and psychologist in matters relating to his/her health, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.
All names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. The names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are the compilation of typical cases that happened to most people with various mental health issues.